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Epic Twitter Battles: Round 5

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kerihw versus GlennyRodge (August, 2013)

ROUND 5: FIGHT!

 

GlennyRodge: At the end of every cup of tea, you say "that hit the spot".

 

kerihw: You don't even have tea. You have an "infusion".

 

GlennyRodge: Your favourite football team aren't as good as you think they are.

 

kerihw: The faces you make in Chinese restaurants are both racist and physiologically inaccurate.

 

GlennyRodge: White socks wearer.

 

kerihw: You always say "do you just do a medium normal coffee?" in coffee shops even though the menu's right there and it's not hard.

 

GlennyRodge: When asked how you are, you reply "I'm okay. It's the others".

 

kerihw: Smashed plate cheerer.

 

GlennyRodge: pinch and a punch, first day of the monther.

 

kerihw: You politely hold doors open for people, but you do it in a ridiculously theatrical manner, bowing down and swishing your arm.

 

GlennyRodge: You always tick the box to receive more information about the company's products and/or services.

 

kerihw: You would do "that" for love.

 

GlennyRodge: You actually like me.

 

kerihw: Sometimes, when your Ocado delivery has too many substitutions, you get so angry you slap your thigh.

 

GlennyRodge: You have Speak Like A Pirate Day ringed on your calendar.

 

kerihw: You prefer rollerballs.

 

GlennyRodge: You're what Willis was talkin' 'bout.

 

kerihw: Your favourite thing in the world is explaining using a vast PowerPoint presentation why the song Ironic isn't ironic.

 

GlennyRodge: "Jedi" as religion on census form writer.

 

kerihw: You like the new rounded shape of Dairy Milk.

 

GlennyRodge: You think that poshness is the only difference between Rugby Union and Rugby League.

 

kerihw: Nobody calls you the space cowboy, Maurice or the gangster of love and you do not speak on the pompitous of love either.

 

GlennyRodge: Despite what you think, Harper Collins did not write To Kill A Mockingbird.

 

kerihw: Despite what you think, Spot The Dog is not real.

 

GlennyRodge: Ugg boots wearer.

 

kerihw: With you, it definitely is the Maybelline.

 

GlennyRodge: In the evenings, you retire to your room and read plays. Aloud. With accents.

 

kerihw: Arsenal's chief transfer negotiator.

 

GlennyRodge: You actually made that tut they showed you to make on Blue Peter.

 

kerihw: You're crap at using autocorrect.

 

GlennyRodge: You've had a bit of food on your face since lunchtime.

 

kerihw: Your favourite ninja turtle is "Titian".

 

GlennyRodge: When discussing measurements with builders, you replace 'by' with 'be' so they think you're cool. They don't, be the way.

 

kerihw: You spend 20 minutes every morning wondering what Dale Winton is up to now.

 

GlennyRodge: When you're cross or moaning, you add an 'er' sound to the last word of each sentence.

 

kerihw: You think anti-climb paint is part of a Mormon conspiracy.

 

GlennyRodge: One Show watcher.

 

kerihw: You think a squid is a daddy octopus.

 

GlennyRodge: You maintain that, with a couple of months off work and a five grand float, you'd be able to find Lord Lucan.

 

kerihw: You try to get women to marry you by flashing your new combine harvester even though they already have more land than you.

 

GlennyRodge: Whistley nose breather.

 

kerihw: Your mash is lumpy and dry.

 

GlennyRodge: you still collect Panini football stickers.

 

kerihw: At the start of all three Lord Of The Rings films, you sang "Everybody's Tolkein At Me, I don't hear a word they're saying".

 

GlennyRodge: You're a belieber and a directioner. For fuck's sake, pick one, will you?

 

kerihw: You continue to maintain supersymmetry is a valid component of string theory despite the LHC finding no evidence it exists.

 

GlennyRodge: Lib Dem voter.

 

kerihw: Keep calm and carry onner.

 

GlennyRodge: Fat from bacon remover.

 

kerihw: You're so vain you thought the whole album was about you.

 

GlennyRodge: You think the darts on BBC is better.

 

GlennyRodge: Bed goer

 

kerihw: When shop assistants ask if you want a bag you don't say "yes please" you say "ooooooh that would be lovely if you've got one".

 

GlennyRodge: Shop name pluraliser.

 

kerihw: When you walk backwards through a door holding two cups of tea you make "woop woop" noises like a truck reversing.

 

GlennyRodge: "You say it best, when you say nothing at all" was Ronan Keating's way of telling you to pipe down.

 

kerihw: The voice on your satnav is Stuart Hall.

 

GlennyRodge: Selfyer.

 

kerihw: In chess, you call pawns "prawns".

 

GlennyRodge: You call dinner 'lunch' and tea 'dinner'.

 

kerihw: Disk 3 is missing from your Monarch Of The Glen Complete Series 1 - 7 box set.

 

GlennyRodge: It was series 4 before you realised Frasier's brother wasn't called Miles.

 

kerihw: You don't know which Dimbleby is which.

 

GlennyRodge: you describe yourself as outdoorsy.

 

kerihw: You do hokey-cokeys on your own.

 

GlennyRodge: You use your own little quirks and foibles as inspiration for your insults towards me.

 

kerihw: When they ask "Have you been to Nandos before" you say no, even though you have, as you're afraid something might have changed.

 

GlennyRodge: You say "boxed set" instead of "box set".

 

kerihw: You do the shake 'n vac song and dance whenever you hoover.

 

GlennyRodge: When you sit down the tattoo of Winston Churchill on your belly scrunches up and looks like Captain Mainwaring.

 

kerihw: Just as you and your wife are about to go out, you ask her when she's going to get changed. Every time.

 

GlennyRodge: Your kids often ask "why does daddy keep talking about scotch mist?"

 

kerihw: Your Thundercat name is Bagpussra.

 

Continued here

4 thoughts on “Epic Twitter Battles: Round 5

  1. Cal

    "When you walk backwards through a door holding two cups of tea you make “woop woop” noises like a truck reversing."

    I might start doing this. And the Aresenal one got a chuckle out of me.

  2. Tom Melbourne

    FYI, when these 'Twitter Battle' posts are read in an RSS Feed Reader (like Feedly) they have a bunch of viagra spam words at the top of the post.

  3. Glen

    Thanks Cal, glad to hear they translate across the Atlantic.

    Thanks Tom, we're working on it. Might mean a whole blog delete and reinstall :(

  4. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 4 | Christ the Truth

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