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Epic Twitter Battles: Round 3

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kerihw versus GlennyRodge (1-9th August, 2013)

Continued from here

ROUND 3: FIGHT!

 

GlennyRodge:  If a monkey appears on the telly, you say to the person you're with "I didn't know you were in this". EVERY TIME.

 

kerihw: You can't use twitter.

 

GlennyRodge:  You carry on the swing ball game after the little thing has popped up.

 

kerihw: Your favourite Woody Allen film is Barely Legal 7.

 

GlennyRodge:  You make tea in the wrong order.

 

kerihw: You say you read Game Of Thrones but you haven't even seen the TV show you just sat naked on an egg pretending to be a dragon.

 

GlennyRodge:  I'm a twitter account you set up 3 years ago so you had someone to talk to. You've basically been arguing with yourself for a week.

 

kerihw: You weren't even on twitter 3 years ago. I. I mean I.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have your keyboard sound switched to 'on' on your phone.

 

kerihw: Your legal action against Walkers over your perception that "Monster Munch are not as big as they used be" has no basis in law.

 

GlennyRodge:  You regularly make your kids okay Eurovision Song Contest just so you can do voting with accents.

 

kerihw: Re-vines were your idea.

 

GlennyRodge:  When your wife says she's going to do the hoovering, you pull her up on it because you actually have a Vax.

 

kerihw: You don't even want to build a bear you just go for the companionship.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your Irish accent is quite terrible.

 

kerihw: Your favourite Star Wars is the first one, with the bald woman.

 

GlennyRodge:  Jeremy Clarkson lover.

 

kerihw: You prefer the original version of Bladerunner with the voiceover.

 

GlennyRodge:  You subscribed to ITV Digital.

 

kerihw: You attempt to single-handedly form a second queue in shops when there is obviously one queue for two tills.

 

GlennyRodge:  You maintain your all time favourite comedian Lenny Bruce, yet your collection of Billy Chuffing Heck Pearce DVDs belies this claim.

 

kerihw: You've got a WKD side.

 

GlennyRodge:  You say bally when you mean bloody.

 

kerihw: You do theatrically over-elaborate sneezes.

 

GlennyRodge:  You've written to the BBC to ask why your home town never appears on the weather.

 

kerihw: You've never experienced Status Quo live.

 

GlennyRodge:  You had Angel Delight at your wedding reception.

 

kerihw: You Bing your own name.

 

GlennyRodge:  You refuse to have HP sauce in your house. It's Daddy's or nothing with you.

 

kerihw: Twiglet apologist.

 

GlennyRodge:  You're a bugger for a biscuit.

 

kerihw: You still think Lampard and Gerrard deserve another chance to form an effective midfield partnership.

 

GlennyRodge:  You think irony and coincidence are the same

 

kerihw: You think Bargain Hunt and Cash In The Attic are the same thing.

 

GlennyRodge:  You claim Tiswas was better than Swap Shop but you never actually saw it.

 

kerihw: Your inability to tell left from right or sidestep made you the worst ever helmet wearer on Knightmare.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have incredibly small feet. Size 3.

 

kerihw: "NIce weather for ducks" sayer.

 

GlennyRodge:  Jeans with school shoes wearer.

 

kerihw: You thought the end of Inception was brilliant but only because you like spinny tops.

 

GlennyRodge:  You're the reason why pubs have signs saying "Shirts to be worn at all times on these premises".

 

kerihw: When separating whites and colours for washing you're never sure what to do with all the union jacks you've sown swastikas on.

 

GlennyRodge:  When you burp, it smells of sick.

 

kerihw: You want to "enter your reg number now" but you can't remember what the name of the website is.

 

GlennyRodge:  You smell of wet cats and despair.

 

kerihw: When you buy shoes you let them talk you into buying a bottle of stain repellent / waterproofing stuff that you then never use.

 

GlennyRodge:  You maintain that Scott and Charlene's wedding is the single greatest moment in the history of television.

 

kerihw: Your Ted Baker onesie is in fact a cheap knockoff.

 

GlennyRodge:  You don't have drinks with friends. You go out "for a few sherbets".

 

kerihw: Your rendition of the 'Single Ladies' dance routine goes wrong 2m 34s in when you wobble your left thigh instead of your right.

 

GlennyRodge:  You celebrate loved ones' birthdays through the medium of the bed sheet and the roundabout.

 

kerihw: You think it's really impressive you can always guess who the murderer is 20 mins before the end when you watch Columbo.

 

GlennyRodge:  In a game of rock, paper, scissors, you're the one that does fire.

 

kerihw: "Had an accident with a lawnmower?" "Had your ears lowered?" are some things you say when you notice someone's had a haircut.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your sick person voice is ridiculous. It sounds like you're about to cum.

 

GlennyRodge:  One more from you and then call it quits?

 

kerihw: Alright.

 

kerihw: QUITTER.

 

GlennyRodge:  x

 

Round 4 Continues here...

 

6 thoughts on “Epic Twitter Battles: Round 3

  1. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 2 | Christ the Truth

  2. Daniel Roe

    Hi Glen,

    Are you aware that you are advertising Viagra & Cialis on your website & RSS feed? Look at the source code if in doubt. Do be in contact if I can help.

    Regards,
    Daniel

  3. Dave

    Just realised I'm at least 27 of these things. I shall cry at least until the end of the calendar month

  4. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 4 | Christ the Truth

  5. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 5 | Christ the Truth

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