kerihw versus GlennyRodge (1-9th August, 2013)
ROUND 3: FIGHT!
GlennyRodge: If a monkey appears on the telly, you say to the person you're with "I didn't know you were in this". EVERY TIME.
kerihw: You can't use twitter.
GlennyRodge: You carry on the swing ball game after the little thing has popped up.
kerihw: Your favourite Woody Allen film is Barely Legal 7.
GlennyRodge: You make tea in the wrong order.
kerihw: You say you read Game Of Thrones but you haven't even seen the TV show you just sat naked on an egg pretending to be a dragon.
GlennyRodge: I'm a twitter account you set up 3 years ago so you had someone to talk to. You've basically been arguing with yourself for a week.
kerihw: You weren't even on twitter 3 years ago. I. I mean I.
GlennyRodge: You have your keyboard sound switched to 'on' on your phone.
kerihw: Your legal action against Walkers over your perception that "Monster Munch are not as big as they used be" has no basis in law.
GlennyRodge: You regularly make your kids okay Eurovision Song Contest just so you can do voting with accents.
kerihw: Re-vines were your idea.
GlennyRodge: When your wife says she's going to do the hoovering, you pull her up on it because you actually have a Vax.
kerihw: You don't even want to build a bear you just go for the companionship.
GlennyRodge: Your Irish accent is quite terrible.
kerihw: Your favourite Star Wars is the first one, with the bald woman.
GlennyRodge: Jeremy Clarkson lover.
kerihw: You prefer the original version of Bladerunner with the voiceover.
GlennyRodge: You subscribed to ITV Digital.
kerihw: You attempt to single-handedly form a second queue in shops when there is obviously one queue for two tills.
GlennyRodge: You maintain your all time favourite comedian Lenny Bruce, yet your collection of Billy Chuffing Heck Pearce DVDs belies this claim.
kerihw: You've got a WKD side.
GlennyRodge: You say bally when you mean bloody.
kerihw: You do theatrically over-elaborate sneezes.
GlennyRodge: You've written to the BBC to ask why your home town never appears on the weather.
kerihw: You've never experienced Status Quo live.
GlennyRodge: You had Angel Delight at your wedding reception.
kerihw: You Bing your own name.
GlennyRodge: You refuse to have HP sauce in your house. It's Daddy's or nothing with you.
kerihw: Twiglet apologist.
GlennyRodge: You're a bugger for a biscuit.
kerihw: You still think Lampard and Gerrard deserve another chance to form an effective midfield partnership.
GlennyRodge: You think irony and coincidence are the same
kerihw: You think Bargain Hunt and Cash In The Attic are the same thing.
GlennyRodge: You claim Tiswas was better than Swap Shop but you never actually saw it.
kerihw: Your inability to tell left from right or sidestep made you the worst ever helmet wearer on Knightmare.
GlennyRodge: You have incredibly small feet. Size 3.
kerihw: "NIce weather for ducks" sayer.
GlennyRodge: Jeans with school shoes wearer.
kerihw: You thought the end of Inception was brilliant but only because you like spinny tops.
GlennyRodge: You're the reason why pubs have signs saying "Shirts to be worn at all times on these premises".
kerihw: When separating whites and colours for washing you're never sure what to do with all the union jacks you've sown swastikas on.
GlennyRodge: When you burp, it smells of sick.
kerihw: You want to "enter your reg number now" but you can't remember what the name of the website is.
GlennyRodge: You smell of wet cats and despair.
kerihw: When you buy shoes you let them talk you into buying a bottle of stain repellent / waterproofing stuff that you then never use.
GlennyRodge: You maintain that Scott and Charlene's wedding is the single greatest moment in the history of television.
kerihw: Your Ted Baker onesie is in fact a cheap knockoff.
GlennyRodge: You don't have drinks with friends. You go out "for a few sherbets".
kerihw: Your rendition of the 'Single Ladies' dance routine goes wrong 2m 34s in when you wobble your left thigh instead of your right.
GlennyRodge: You celebrate loved ones' birthdays through the medium of the bed sheet and the roundabout.
kerihw: You think it's really impressive you can always guess who the murderer is 20 mins before the end when you watch Columbo.
GlennyRodge: In a game of rock, paper, scissors, you're the one that does fire.
kerihw: "Had an accident with a lawnmower?" "Had your ears lowered?" are some things you say when you notice someone's had a haircut.
GlennyRodge: Your sick person voice is ridiculous. It sounds like you're about to cum.
GlennyRodge: One more from you and then call it quits?