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Epic Twitter Battles: Round 4

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kerihw versus GlennyRodge (August, 2013)

Continued from here

ROUND 4: FIGHT!

 

GlennyRodge:  Okay, Guess The Crisps. Guess the brand AND flavour to win a year's supply of sod all. 1 guess per person. On your marks...get set...guess.

 

kerihw: No. Not after the bullshit you pulled a while ago. You've ruined it forever.

 

GlennyRodge:  You're serving a life time ban anyway. Druggie.

 

kerihw: You can't pee without humming.

 

GlennyRodge:  Englishman.

 

kerihw: When you're wearing your backpack you do up the strap across your chest.

 

GlennyRodge:  Last Night of the Proms bobber.

 

kerihw: The only way you'd get on Masterchef would be as an ingredient.

 

GlennyRodge:  You call it Chrimbo.

 

kerihw: You prefer Cocoon II.

 

GlennyRodge:  You're still saying "thank Crunchie it's Friday" even though the advert hasn't been on the telly for
years.

kerihw: 606 phoner inner.

 

GlennyRodge:  You say "Helin" instead of "Helen".

 

kerihw: When speaking to someone in a call centre you actually make a note of the reference numbers they give you.

 

GlennyRodge:  When you grow your hair long, you look a little bit like your nan.

 

kerihw: Your best chat-up line involves explaining at length why you think Bungle is a wookie.

 

GlennyRodge:  The face of your watch is on the inside of your wrist.

 

kerihw: You are the only man to have ever used a Boots No. 7 voucher.

 

GlennyRodge:  You keep your phone in a belt pouch despite having perfectly working pockets.

 

kerihw: You think you're clever when you tell people Dracula isn't the name of the vampire, it's the name of the vampire's creator.

 

GlennyRodge:  5-a-day counter.

 

kerihw: When you finish using the toilet you don't rinse the little bum brush properly.

 

GlennyRodge:  You think men who have shoulder bags are "a bit, you know".

 

kerihw: You drag your telly into the kitchen every Saturday morning so you can pretend you're participating in the omelette challenge.

 

GlennyRodge:  You try impressing younger people by saying Example is your favourite band.

 

kerihw: You keep your headphones in the little bag that came with them.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your last three trips to A&E have all been cotton bud related.

 

kerihw: You blow raspberries at lollipop ladies.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your favourite treat is your weekly trip to "macky dee's".

 

kerihw: You put jam on a scone first, then cream.

 

GlennyRodge:  You wear T-shirts with 'humorous' writing on them.

 

kerihw: You think denial is a river in Turkey.

 

GlennyRodge:  You've made a list of insults because you keep forgetting the good ones.

 

kerihw: Your nickname is "Slaphead" and it's not because you're bald.

 

GlennyRodge:  You thought the Great Train Robbery robbers stole a train.

 

kerihw: You never use your wok.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have a total of 85 tissues and 7 half packets of polos in all your coat pockets.

 

kerihw: You had to get a man in to fix it when your attempt to install glueless laminate flooring was a laughable disaster.

 

GlennyRodge:  Every time your wife bends down to pick something up, you say "while you're down there". Every time.

 

kerihw: You've never realised that the word filofax comes from "file of facts".

 

GlennyRodge:  You turn the temperature setting on your shower to 'twenty past' even though it isn't a clock.

 

kerihw: If someone put you on the spot you wouldn't be able to tell them where your vacuum cleaner accessories are.

 

GlennyRodge:  You delete and re-write tweets whenever you make a your/you're error.

 

kerihw: You think Jake Humphrey is a "Des Lynam for the Facebook epoch".

 

GlennyRodge:  your FarmVille farm is 100% broccoli.

 

kerihw: You share your exercise progress on Google+.

 

GlennyRodge:  Whenever you watch athletics you always say "that reminds me, must pop down the allotment and see how my runners are doing".

 

kerihw: You paid for your anti-virus.

 

GlennyRodge:  You always seem to need a wee within minutes of bleach being poured down the pan.

 

kerihw: Your job is writing the chummy, hilarious stuff that goes on Innocent bottles.

 

GlennyRodge:  You prefer the You've Been Framed hosted by "that bird from Emmerdale Farm".

 

kerihw: Full kit wearer.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your glasses go dark when you go outside.

 

kerihw: Your sponges always come out dry because you forget that the ingredients should be at room temperature when you mix them.

 

GlennyRodge:  You always seem to get the dodgy tap in the gents' loo when you're wearing light coloured trousers.

 

kerihw: Almost all of your clothes are from Superdry.

 

GlennyRodge:  You thought it was "hand-fisted".

 

kerihw: You swallow maltesers whole.

 

GlennyRodge:  "That's that job jobbed" sayer.

 

kerihw: Your moisturising regime lacks focus.

 

GlennyRodge:  You prefer the Steps version of Tragedy.

 

kerihw: You don't prefer the Steps version of Tragedy.

 

GlennyRodge:  "So much for global warming" sayer.

 

kerihw: "Ooooh no no no no, just a Korma for me" sayer.

 

GlennyRodge:  You tell people who didn't know you as a teenager that you once had trials with Bristol City.

 

kerihw: Internet Explorer user.

 

GlennyRodge:  Browsing data clearer.

 

kerihw: None of your ceilings are Artex.

 

GlennyRodge:  You thought it was Symphony For The Devil.

 

kerihw: Your job is choreographing the little moves athletes do when they have their pre-race close up.

 

GlennyRodge:  You insist your parents leave your room the way it was when you left home, even though they've twice moved house since.

 

kerihw: YOU SAY "COOL BANANAS".

 

GlennyRodge:  Once you actually compared apples with oranges.

 

kerihw: You listen to the Archers during the week so you can impress your dog by predicting what will happen during the Sunday omnibus.

 

GlennyRodge:  You believe that counting Paul McGann as Doctor Who is an insult to time travel.

 

kerihw: You're so MoneySuperMarket.

 

GlennyRodge:  You make shepherd's pie with beef.

 

kerihw: You can't eat sweetcorn without mentioning how it comes out the same way it went in.

 

GlennyRodge:  You watch Dog The Bounty Hunter for tips on both fugitive hunting and fashion.

 

kerihw: You claim to ironically enjoy Spongebob Squarepants so you look cool but actually watching it leaves you angry and confused.

 

CONTINUED HERE

3 thoughts on “Epic Twitter Battles: Round 4

  1. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 3 | Christ the Truth

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