kerihw versus GlennyRodge (1-9th August, 2013)
ROUND 2: FIGHT!
kerihw: Yeah, cowering. LIKE A FOX. Lynx wearer.
GlennyRodge: YOU CRIED WHEN DEL AND RODNEY BECAME MILLIONAIRES.
GlennyRodge: You say 'secketery' instead of 'secretary'.
kerihw: You prefer the Last Of The Summer Wines with Cyril rather than Foggy.
GlennyRodge: When you first went into Costa, you asked for a Gold Blend.
kerihw: You get into arguments in Sainsburys over why they put the eggs next to the ketchup.
GlennyRodge: Your family dread Sunday dinner time and it's all due to your obsession with the moistness of meat.
kerihw: You bought your sofa at DFS when it wasn't on sale.
GlennyRodge: You insisted on having haddock even though chippy lady said it would be 7 minutes.
kerihw: Guff denier.
GlennyRodge: You wave at people who have the same make of car as you.
kerihw: You would consider putting ginger in a bolognese.
GlennyRodge: You once embarrassed a lady in the queue in Boots by saying that the canestan she was holding was a central Asian country.
kerihw: Socks ironer.
GlennyRodge: You use the word 'holiday' as a verb.
kerihw: You smell of yesterday.
GlennyRodge: You write to Points Of View. They use the posh lady's voice.
kerihw: You write to Michael Aspel under assumed names just to get more and more Parker pens.
GlennyRodge: You (incorrectly) explain the offside rule in pubs using other people's drinks.
kerihw: You thought the dolphin on Seaquest:DSV could actually talk.
GlennyRodge: You have a Waaasssaaap!!! ringtone on your phone.
kerihw: When carving a turkey you say "Are you a breast man or a leg man?" and then snort.
GlennyRodge: You say "it's six of one and half a dozen of the other" so much that your friends call you Keri Dozens behind your back.
kerihw: Some of your scarves are gaudy.
GlennyRodge: Your favourite cheese is "medium".
kerihw: You always make the Ocado man feel awkward by offering him a cup of tea.
GlennyRodge: You look awful in yellow. It makes you look washed out.
kerihw: You use the Discover tab.
GlennyRodge: You once followed an entire football match on Ceefax, even though it was live on ITV.
kerihw: Just A Minute listener.
GlennyRodge: Manual retweeter.
kerihw: You say "ass", not "arse".
GlennyRodge: You do a little sigh after you laugh.
kerihw: Your favourite Law & Order is Law & Order: UK.
GlennyRodge: You say you're allergic to certain foods but really you just don't like them.
kerihw: Every time a shop assistant asks if you have a Nectar card you act all surprised and say "Ooh! Yes I do actually!".
GlennyRodge: All your shirts have epaulettes and buttoned-down collars.
kerihw: You got your Blue Peter badge off eBay.
GlennyRodge: You've only ever read 3 books.
kerihw: Your favourite novel from Dan Brown's epic Robert Langdon series is the least brilliant one - Digital Fortress.
GlennyRodge: You're Welsh yet you can't pronounce Abergavenny. What's with that?
kerihw: You're not Jamaican and yet you do an excellent dutty wine. What's up with that?
GlennyRodge: You can't whistle.
kerihw: You don't believe in watermelons.
GlennyRodge: You voluntarily take out PPI cover.
kerihw: You get confused between Bobby Davro and Les Dennis.
GlennyRodge: You don't vote because you say they're all as bad as each other.
kerihw: YOU HAVE NEVER FOUND WALLY.
GlennyRodge: You have your tea at 5.
kerihw: Your knowledge of 2 letter words which are valid in Scrabble is at best mediocre.
GlennyRodge: You couldn't ride a bike until you were 26.
kerihw: You were disappointed that Lesbian Vampire Killers was about lesbian vampires rather than vampire killers who were lesbian.
GlennyRodge: When you go out on a Saturday you pop a tape in for Casualty. You call it "my programme".
kerihw: The state of your wheelie bins is an embarrassment to your neighbours.
GlennyRodge: When you give someone your phone number, you always begin "+44".
kerihw: Your milkshake brings all the boys to Scotland Yard to make formal complaints.
GlennyRodge: You have a large collection of wacky ties.
kerihw: You insist you don't need to go toilet at the services & then all the way to the next services you moan about "wanty wazzy".
GlennyRodge: Your favourite Led Zeppelin song is "that Rolf one".
kerihw: You're the reason for all the signs telling people not to flush paper towels.
GlennyRodge: Driving gloves wearer.
kerihw: The large mechanical heron you bought to scare real heron away from your precious fish doesn't work and looks ridiculous.
GlennyRodge: People can hear you coming from 50 yards away, due to the sheer amount of change you carry in your pockets.
kerihw: Every time you do a tie up the first attempt always results in the the thin end being way longer than the thick end.
GlennyRodge: When you sang "Look Orville, who is your very best friend?", he replied "Not you, Sunshine".
kerihw: You once described Vernon Kay as a "Michael Barrymore for the Xbox generation".
GlennyRodge: You cut out money off coupons from magazines but never get round to using any of them.
kerihw: You put toilet paper on the holder so it hangs down at the back.
GlennyRodge: Your biggest regret in life is that you can't do armpit farts.
kerihw: You don't know what colour mauve is.
GlennyRodge: Despite her asking you not to, you think it's hilarious introducing your partner at social functions as your "current" wife.
kerihw: 10% of your opinions end with you saying "not that there's anything wrong with that".
GlennyRodge: Sock mark legs haver.
kerihw: The people at the benefit fraud reporting helpline know your voice and call you "Glenny our little spy".
GlennyRodge: You're already counting "sleeps" until Christmas.
kerihw: You can only do about half of the opening monologue from the A-Team.
GlennyRodge: You keep a pen and paper by the telly so you can write down cookery show recipes even though DETAILS ARE AVAILABLE ON THE WEBSITE.
kerihw: Gap non-minder.
GlennyRodge: You thought it was "I've got Jill's, they're multiplying...."
kerihw: Terms and conditions reader.
GlennyRodge: Definately speller.
kerihw: Sausage-filled crust apologist.
GlennyRodge: To this day, you maintain that you were the one who first spotted you get BOG OFF from Buy One, Get One For Free.
kerihw: Every time you see a penguin you point out that it looks like it's wearing a tuxedo. Every time.
GlennyRodge: You get up and leave the room whenever sanitary towels and "all that other lady business" gets mentioned.
kerihw: You deliberately suggest going to Chinese restaurants just to show off that you can use chopsticks.
GlennyRodge: "Mind your own bees' wax" sayer.
kerihw: You get all excited when you see a man wearing a wig.
GlennyRodge: You make your family sit through DVD previews.
kerihw: You call the TV remote control a "doofah".
GlennyRodge: Despite them dropping hints and making lists, your family get money in a card for Christmas and birthdays.
kerihw: Despite them dropping hints and making lists, you still turn up at your family for Christmas.
GlennyRodge: You applied to be on Bargain Hunt but then turned them down when you found out you weren't going to be in the red team.
kerihw: Children throw wet bread at you in the street.
GlennyRodge: Your real name is Darren.
kerihw: The staff at Halfords are still doing impressions of you from when you came in and tried to buy a wiper blade.
GlennyRodge: You throw away charity envelopes but keep the pens.
kerihw: You have no idea where the little plastic cup that came with your iron is.
GlennyRodge: The best players in your fantasy football team are defenders, even though the scoring is heavily weighted towards goals and assists.
kerihw: You get confused between Shola Ama and Gabrielle.
GlennyRodge: You actually believe it's butter.
kerihw: If you bump into a man more than once in a bathroom, you say "We have to stop meeting like this!" to prove you aren't gay.
GlennyRodge: Des Lynam was your favourite Countdown host.
kerihw: You only stock three varieties of herbal tea.
GlennyRodge: Loud nose breather.
kerihw: You miss Clippy.
GlennyRodge: You have bonfires in your garden without giving your neighbours sufficient notice to get their washing in.
kerihw: YOU FART IN CINEMAS.
GlennyRodge: You think it's called a shufflecock.
kerihw: You think your long black leather coat makes you look like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix but you just look like a goth butcher.