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Epic Twitter Battles: Round 2

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kerihw versus GlennyRodge (1-9th August, 2013)

Continued from here

ROUND 2: FIGHT!

 

GlennyRodge:  @TheBathBird @kerihw I'm a little sorry that he's now cowering in the trounced corner. It was good fun.

 

kerihw: Yeah, cowering. LIKE A FOX. Lynx wearer.

 

GlennyRodge:  YOU CRIED WHEN DEL AND RODNEY BECAME MILLIONAIRES.

 

...

 

GlennyRodge:  You say 'secketery' instead of 'secretary'.

 

kerihw: You prefer the Last Of The Summer Wines with Cyril rather than Foggy.

 

GlennyRodge:  When you first went into Costa, you asked for a Gold Blend.

 

kerihw: You get into arguments in Sainsburys over why they put the eggs next to the ketchup.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your family dread Sunday dinner time and it's all due to your obsession with the moistness of meat.

 

kerihw: You bought your sofa at DFS when it wasn't on sale.

 

GlennyRodge:  You insisted on having haddock even though chippy lady said it would be 7 minutes.

 

kerihw: Guff denier.

 

GlennyRodge:  You wave at people who have the same make of car as you.

 

kerihw: You would consider putting ginger in a bolognese.

 

GlennyRodge:  You once embarrassed a lady in the queue in Boots by saying that the canestan she was holding was a central Asian country.

 

kerihw: Socks ironer.

 

GlennyRodge:  You use the word 'holiday' as a verb.

 

kerihw: You smell of yesterday.

 

GlennyRodge:  You write to Points Of View. They use the posh lady's voice.

 

kerihw: You write to Michael Aspel under assumed names just to get more and more Parker pens.

 

GlennyRodge:  You (incorrectly) explain the offside rule in pubs using other people's drinks.

 

kerihw: You thought the dolphin on Seaquest:DSV could actually talk.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have a Waaasssaaap!!! ringtone on your phone.

 

kerihw: When carving a turkey you say "Are you a breast man or a leg man?" and then snort.

 

GlennyRodge:  You say "it's six of one and half a dozen of the other" so much that your friends call you Keri Dozens behind your back.

 

kerihw: Some of your scarves are gaudy.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your favourite cheese is "medium".

 

kerihw: You always make the Ocado man feel awkward by offering him a cup of tea.

 

GlennyRodge:  You look awful in yellow. It makes you look washed out.

 

kerihw: You use the Discover tab.

 

GlennyRodge:  You once followed an entire football match on Ceefax, even though it was live on ITV.

 

kerihw: Just A Minute listener.

 

GlennyRodge:  Manual retweeter.

 

kerihw: You say "ass", not "arse".

 

GlennyRodge:  You do a little sigh after you laugh.

 

kerihw: Your favourite Law & Order is Law & Order: UK.

 

GlennyRodge:  You say you're allergic to certain foods but really you just don't like them.

 

kerihw: Every time a shop assistant asks if you have a Nectar card you act all surprised and say "Ooh! Yes I do actually!".

 

GlennyRodge:  All your shirts have epaulettes and buttoned-down collars.

 

kerihw: You got your Blue Peter badge off eBay.

 

GlennyRodge:  You've only ever read 3 books.

 

kerihw: Your favourite novel from Dan Brown's epic Robert Langdon series is the least brilliant one - Digital Fortress.

 

GlennyRodge:  You're Welsh yet you can't pronounce Abergavenny. What's with that?

 

kerihw: You're not Jamaican and yet you do an excellent dutty wine. What's up with that?

 

GlennyRodge:  You can't whistle.

 

kerihw: You don't believe in watermelons.

 

GlennyRodge:  You voluntarily take out PPI cover.

 

kerihw: You get confused between Bobby Davro and Les Dennis.

 

GlennyRodge:  You don't vote because you say they're all as bad as each other.

 

kerihw: YOU HAVE NEVER FOUND WALLY.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have your tea at 5.

 

kerihw: Your knowledge of 2 letter words which are valid in Scrabble is at best mediocre.

 

GlennyRodge:  You couldn't ride a bike until you were 26.

 

kerihw: You were disappointed that Lesbian Vampire Killers was about lesbian vampires rather than vampire killers who were lesbian.

 

GlennyRodge:  When you go out on a Saturday you pop a tape in for Casualty. You call it "my programme".

 

kerihw: The state of your wheelie bins is an embarrassment to your neighbours.

 

GlennyRodge:  When you give someone your phone number, you always begin "+44".

 

kerihw: Your milkshake brings all the boys to Scotland Yard to make formal complaints.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have a large collection of wacky ties.

 

kerihw: You insist you don't need to go toilet at the services & then all the way to the next services you moan about "wanty wazzy".

 

GlennyRodge:  Your favourite Led Zeppelin song is "that Rolf one".

 

kerihw: You're the reason for all the signs telling people not to flush paper towels.

 

GlennyRodge:  Driving gloves wearer.

 

kerihw: The large mechanical heron you bought to scare real heron away from your precious fish doesn't work and looks ridiculous.

 

GlennyRodge:  People can hear you coming from 50 yards away, due to the sheer amount of change you carry in your pockets.

 

kerihw: Every time you do a tie up the first attempt always results in the the thin end being way longer than the thick end.

 

GlennyRodge:  When you sang "Look Orville, who is your very best friend?", he replied "Not you, Sunshine".

 

kerihw: You once described Vernon Kay as a "Michael Barrymore for the Xbox generation".

 

GlennyRodge:  You cut out money off coupons from magazines but never get round to using any of them.

 

kerihw: You put toilet paper on the holder so it hangs down at the back.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your biggest regret in life is that you can't do armpit farts.

 

kerihw: You don't know what colour mauve is.

 

GlennyRodge:  Despite her asking you not to, you think it's hilarious introducing your partner at social functions as your "current" wife.

 

kerihw: 10% of your opinions end with you saying "not that there's anything wrong with that".

 

GlennyRodge:  Sock mark legs haver.

 

kerihw: The people at the benefit fraud reporting helpline know your voice and call you "Glenny our little spy".

 

GlennyRodge:  You're already counting "sleeps" until Christmas.

 

kerihw: You can only do about half of the opening monologue from the A-Team.

 

GlennyRodge:  You keep a pen and paper by the telly so you can write down cookery show recipes even though DETAILS ARE AVAILABLE ON THE WEBSITE.

 

kerihw: Gap non-minder.

 

GlennyRodge:  You thought it was "I've got Jill's, they're multiplying...."

 

kerihw: Terms and conditions reader.

 

GlennyRodge:  Definately speller.

 

kerihw: Sausage-filled crust apologist.

 

GlennyRodge:  To this day, you maintain that you were the one who first spotted you get BOG OFF from Buy One, Get One For Free.

 

kerihw: Every time you see a penguin you point out that it looks like it's wearing a tuxedo. Every time.

 

GlennyRodge:  You get up and leave the room whenever sanitary towels and "all that other lady business" gets mentioned.

 

kerihw: You deliberately suggest going to Chinese restaurants just to show off that you can use chopsticks.

 

GlennyRodge:  "Mind your own bees' wax" sayer.

 

kerihw: You get all excited when you see a man wearing a wig.

 

GlennyRodge:  You make your family sit through DVD previews.

 

kerihw: You call the TV remote control a "doofah".

 

GlennyRodge:  Despite them dropping hints and making lists, your family get money in a card for Christmas and birthdays.

 

kerihw: Despite them dropping hints and making lists, you still turn up at your family for Christmas.

 

GlennyRodge:  You applied to be on Bargain Hunt but then turned them down when you found out you weren't going to be in the red team.

 

kerihw: Children throw wet bread at you in the street.

 

GlennyRodge:  Your real name is Darren.

 

kerihw: The staff at Halfords are still doing impressions of you from when you came in and tried to buy a wiper blade.

 

GlennyRodge:  You throw away charity envelopes but keep the pens.

 

kerihw: You have no idea where the little plastic cup that came with your iron is.

 

GlennyRodge:  The best players in your fantasy football team are defenders, even though the scoring is heavily weighted towards goals and assists.

 

kerihw: You get confused between Shola Ama and Gabrielle.

 

GlennyRodge:  You actually believe it's butter.

 

kerihw: If you bump into a man more than once in a bathroom, you say "We have to stop meeting like this!" to prove you aren't gay.

 

GlennyRodge:  Des Lynam was your favourite Countdown host.

 

kerihw: You only stock three varieties of herbal tea.

 

GlennyRodge:  Loud nose breather.

 

kerihw: You miss Clippy.

 

GlennyRodge:  You have bonfires in your garden without giving your neighbours sufficient notice to get their washing in.

 

kerihw: YOU FART IN CINEMAS.

 

GlennyRodge:  You think it's called a shufflecock.

 

kerihw: You think your long black leather coat makes you look like Keanu Reeves in The Matrix but you just look like a goth butcher.

 

Continued here...

 

 

3 thoughts on “Epic Twitter Battles: Round 2

  1. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 3 | Christ the Truth

  2. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 1 | Christ the Truth

  3. Pingback: Epic Twitter Battles: Round 5 | Christ the Truth

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