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Should I tell him? The marriage could never survive it

Sad businesswoman

A friend of mine was counselling a woman who'd been cheating on her husband.  She ended the affair and resolved never to tell her husband about any of it.  She said "If I told him it would put a bomb under our marriage."

What would you reply?

My friend's answer was inspired:

"The bomb has already gone off.  You've already exploded it.  It's torn through the heart of your marriage.  There are people bleeding to death and you're wondering whether you should tell someone?"

Maybe you're reading this and you're the one who's set off the bomb.  You must tell.  It's the only way forward.

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0 thoughts on “Should I tell him? The marriage could never survive it

  1. Ken Kendall

    I don't know whether there is a single answer that is right for every situation when it comes to having had an affair.

    I write a blog about marriage and how men can better love their wives. I hope that in reaching men through this, more marriages will be spared from having to answer this question.
    I hope you all will take a look when you have a chance.

    http://whatsheneedsfromyou.wordpress.com

    Thanks,

  2. marianne

    Hi, I stumbled across your blog. But I just wanted to post a reply to Ken Kendall's comment.

    I don’t know whether there is a single answer that is right for every situation when it comes to having had an affair.

    The single right answer for every marriage is truth. There is no subsitute. Without truth, there is no trust, without trust, no relationship.
    Sure, it's difficult. Sure, it will be painful.
    But there is no subsitute for truth.

  3. Gav

    Jesus said even if you look at another woman you have commited adultery in your heart.

    That would be a hell of a lot of confessions for most people, if they are honest.

  4. Glen

    Thanks Marianne, I'm with you on the truth thing.

    And Gav, you're right - every lustful thought doesn't require a big confession scene. Such low level sinning is horrible but it hasn't set off a bomb in your marriage. But if there's persistent lust in one particular direction (e.g. porn or continual fantasizing about a particular person) then I think confession is the way forward. Perhaps first to a trusted friend of the same sex, but if it's been affecting the marriage then confession to spouse is called for too I would think.

    Do you reckon?

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